& all your words, they impale the sunlight.

Jessica.
21 Years Old.
Depression is beyond your control - there is light.
In recovery.

Serendipity in Vegas

Defined, serendipity means finding something good without looking for it. I don’t know what I found this weekend - but it was a series of two days that transformed in some way, the very core of my being. It is rather unsettling right now, but in two days, I came to question everything I knew that I ever wanted from life, and began to see the MUCH bigger picture.

On Friday, I left by myself for Vegas. You may be thinking perhaps this should have started with Uganda or a place like that, but I think there is much to learn in all small things. I had my suitcase in hand, knew none of the people I was going to be staying with, and had never traveled alone on my local bus route yet alone in an international airport.

I arrived in Vegas just fine, actually, more than fine. I had made for once a flight by myself, no bickering, no I want to do this and you want to do that arguments from disgruntled co-travelers, just a rather peaceful mind. I made a friend on my flight and worked to help him solve his business issues, like I was an expert of the sort or something.

I waited an hour for a shuttle, got to the hotel, waited outside of the room until someone got there, and then met a group of people that I think really changed my life.

To go into the details at this point in time would be far too much. I was the odd ball out, but found that I bonded with all of these people really fast. As though they were my best friends that were waiting for me all along. We got into night clubs for free, free drinks, vip. We rode in limos and had the night of our lives. We may just have been the most important people in that town for all we knew. For all I knew we were.

The second night we partied in the hotel, bought bottles of champagne and popped them in the hall much to the dismay of our fellow passers-by. We were happy and fun. Something I can’t say I am on most days. I just felt alive.

That night I met up with some ASUians that I had met during my leadership conference for the day. We got a limo and drank bottles all the way to the MGM. Sat in a hotel room and made friends with complete strangers. I tried to get back to the hotel, ended up laying on the floor of MGM admiring the ceiling with a fellow friend, blacked out, and woke up the next day with little to no recollection of the night before - other than the fact that I knew I just had the biggest adventure of my life.

Then that day, I said goodbye. To a group of people that I don’t think realized opened my mind to a world that I had never experienced. Because for those two days I was absolutely myself, and I felt shiny and beautiful. I realized that I don’t just want to get married, have kids, settle down which I had thought for my entire life because that is what was done before me. But I want to take changes, travel the world, not by vacations but by adventure, I want to make mistakes, be afraid, and I want to experience every single part of the people around me. I thought everything was so black and white. But it is so very grey…even when you black out in Vegas.

 

Ryan O’Connell, How To Stop Caring So Much (via 512am)

(Source: larmoyante, via denevon)

Leave your apartment looking terrible. Walk to the deli and see your usual deli guy’s eyes start to widen at your disheveled appearance. This would’ve horrified you yesterday but today it makes you smile. You’ve decided that everything that made you worry will now make you smile.

Walk with better posture. Order two helpings of dessert. Ask someone to take you to a doctor’s appointment and refuse to feel guilty about it. You would do the same for them so why should you feel like you’re putting anyone out? Stand by your opinion that The Shins are a good band even when you’re friends give you hell over it. This is thrilling. Openly loving The Shins has never felt so liberating.

Tell your father he’s a jerk because he is. Tell your mother that you love her because you do. Don’t tell anyone that you love them if it’s not true, if they don’t deserve it. It’s a privilege to be loved by you. Your emotional slutty days are effectively over.

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